Japanese

"History of divorce"

Some of my friends divorced lately. They apparently looked in a very good mood with their spouses but nobody can tell their true inside stories. I dare recommend you to call your woman friend by her last name instead of her family name. If her family name has changed because of her marriage, you would not have to feel guilty even if you wrongly call her by her ex-family name but if her family name changes because of divorce, I'd rather not call her ex-family name before divorce by accident. The word "divorce" used to have negative image, but now, it is not as bad as it used to be. Women who went through divorce seem to be more attractive to contemporary men. Some men are fascinated by the generosity and profound insight of divorcees that went through a lot of hardships; especially they like single parent since she has maternal love as well. Therefore, remarriage taking both kids is nothing new in these days. "I want a divorce" 75% of this final decision is made from wives side first, according to a research. Then how about the situation in Japan of 1000 years ago?

If you were a woman born in Heian era (806-1190), divorce by your own will was unfortunately almost impossible. Women had no right to say toward divorce. The followings are the 7 conditions, which allow men to let their wives go:

1. No babies were born
2. Wife had another lover.
3. Not obedient to husbandfs mother and father.
4. Talkative, quarrel happens frequently
5. Committed robbery
6. Jealous
7. Sickness

Women born in this period were miserable indeed. There were also some conditions that allows women to let their husbands go, for example, "Husband did not keep his promise of marriage after 3 months" or "In case that husband run away and never returns." These conditions are nonsense because marriage itself could not realize under these situations. Thinking about the marriage style in this period, most couples did not live together. As commuting relationships were very common, a line between marriage and not marriage is a little vague I must say.

On and after Kamakura period (1190-1329), marriage style had reached the one, which we now have. Men and women lived together at husbandfs house. The number of divorce conditions has been decreased as follows:
1. Wife is criminal
2. No baby especially boy was born
3. Wife had another lover
Thus status of wife had improved and "composition divorce" got effective.

However, women's power were still weak and in Edo period (1615-1868), many divorce temples were established under the government controls. This helped women's will for divorce but the first case that women's will was permitted in the court officially was in Meiji period (1868-1910). Court decision against menfs immorality in loving another woman was made in 1926 for the first time. It was only about 80 yeas ago.

Finally, what do you think g3Kh which are indispensable for stable life after divorce is?
That is 1. Kodomo (children) 2. Keizai (Economy) 3. Kokoro (heart) I think these are also corresponding to the conditions for the stable marriage life but anyway, thinking highly of the individual will is the most precious thing we now finally obtained.

2005.7